You Know You’re Stoned When…
You NUTELLA ALL THE THINGS.
You spend 2 hours talking about Nutella and all the things you could put it on.
You smile so much without realizing it that your cheeks start to ache.
Daylight is a buzzkill.
You brain feels like it extends six inches past your skull.
You think you see a Zamboni in the parking lot of…basically anywhere (there’s really only one proper place to spot a Zamboni).
You go to Taco Bell and spend OVER ten dollars per person. Plus the 12-pack to split. Or, you go anytime after midnight. They all know; only stoners want that shit after midnight.
You get distracted in the middle of a sentence by another thought and immediately forget the first thought, the loss of which causes you to abandon the new thought in futile pursuit of the original thought, ultimately ending with you scratching your head and wondering what the fuck you were saying.
Your to-do list looks like this:
You let go of the weed before the next person has actually grabbed it.
You spend endless hours developing fulfilling relationships with pets who have no idea what you’re saying.
The main source of light in your house is strands and strands of Christmas lights.
You realize that the solution to skinny-ass stick figures’ discrimination against the larger people of the population is, in fact, LOG FIGURES. See diagram.
These words come out of your mouth: “I feel like I look stoned as fuck.” (Fun fact: if you have to say this, the answer is, “YUUUUUUUP.”)
You pull a “Keenan” (read: forgetting everything, all the time, for no reason, ever).